I’ve been churned up lately about a personal situation. I find myself on the hamster wheel, running and running and getting nowhere. I run over things past – words that were said, decisions that were made, actions that were taken. I imagine different words, different decisions, different actions, and the different outcomes that would have resulted.
But those outcomes are just fantasies, because no one knows what would have happened. And even if those outcomes would have come to pass, the fact is that they didn’t, because those paths were not chosen. And all my running is just spinning stories. As A Course in Miracles teaches, “The only wholly true thought one can hold about the past is that it is not here.”
The wheel turns and I am still running, now into the future. I am imagining conversations I will have, choices I will make, outcomes I will direct to make things better. I feel anticipation and anxiety. What if, what if, what if. I am still spinning stories, now stories about the future, stories that are no more true than the stories about the past. Stories about outcomes that I desire but cannot ensure.
And why do I desire them? Because I have judged them good. But what makes me think I know what would be good? Many things I thought were bad at the time turned out to be good, and the reverse is also true. Good and bad are just more stories.
I begin to see that the outcomes I am trying to bring about, through trying to control what I cannot control, might not bring the relief I seek from the pain I feel about the past and the anxiety I feel about the future. So I run faster, trying to figure this all out. Until I start to tire. Until I start to realize that the pain and anxiety are not about what is real in this moment. They are about the running, the endless spinning on the wheel that goes nowhere. I am exhausted.
Finally, I ask for a miracle, not about changing the past or ensuring the future. I ask to stop the wheel and get off.
And the miracle about miracles is that once you ask for one, you will surely get it. Not because of some hocus pocus or law of attraction. You will get a miracle because it is our natural birthright, our true nature. We discover that all miracles are the same miracle – being fully alive in this holy instant, one with the vastness of all creation. Grateful.
I wake today with miracles correcting my perception of all things. ~A Course in Miracles
"The only wholly true thought one can hold about the past is that it is not here." Oh, wow, Galen, this hit me right between the eyes! For some reason lately, things that have happened, or shouldn't have happened in my mind, have been rearing their heads in my thoughts these past several days. I know they are in the past, and there is nothing I can do to change what has transpired, nor can I predict the days that lay before me. Only God knows, and I have to trust Him to forgive my past and lead me into the future He has planned. No sense in worrying about either, but definitely, I keep on praying that His miracles will continue, and that I will take the time to stop and see them everywhere.
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
I've always thought that was a powerful teaching, Martha. I don't always remember to apply it (!) but when I catch myself stuck in stories about the past, I repeat the quote to remind myself. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about it.
DeleteLike Martha, above, I have been "hit right between the eyes" also. There's so much to take in, I find myself reading and re-reading it. Thank you for sharing the truth, Galen. It always frees us.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Pam. I'm glad this resonated for you.
DeleteI read once that what we think of as our past changes according to what kind of editing we are doing with our memories at the time. That had a big impact upon me. As for the future, I don't tend to think of that too much either, but this is probably because I have tried to cultivate 'being in the now'. Of course practical living demands that we think ahead and get on top of a situation with forward planning, and most of us will have repeating fears for the future now and again. But if we find ourselves on that wheel,that frantic wheel, it's time to be aware and get off! Lovely post as ever, Galen.
ReplyDeleteThat is a good observation about the past, Lynne, and it's true on an individual as well as on a national scale. I'm thinking of how history books have changed their "stories" over time about US history. And I'm thinking of listening to my mom tell stories about my childhood and wondering where I was during that time since I didn't remember a childhood at all like the one she described!!
DeleteI sometimes leave your post in my inbox until I have some time to read it. This morning, after the election, I am feeling The Course in Miracles lesson you write about here very strongly. I hoped for much more than I got, and until I stopped to think about this post, it seemed like a pittance given to a dying man. Now I feel hopeful for the first time in the past two years that maybe, just maybe, I will see a rebirth, starting within my own mind. I look forward to your thoughts, always, and give thanks for my functioning body, mind, and spirit.
ReplyDeleteDJan, thank you so much for your reflections on this post. I am so pleased that it gave you a more positive perspective. A Course in Miracles is a pretty amazing wisdom teaching. Are you familiar with it?
DeleteI have certainly had moments as you have discribd. However, I have come to peace with my past struggles and have trust in the future that lies ahead. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and if I will listen and trust he will guide me through it all whether hard or not.
ReplyDeletePrayers to dbring answers and miracles. I have learned in the last few years to be more aware of the daily tender mercies that do appear.
This has been another inciteful post.
Sending prayers, blessings and hugs your way!
Daily tender mercies. I love that phrase. Sounds like you have a solid foundation in your faith for following guidance and appreciating miracles.
Delete'..I start to realize that the pain and anxiety are not about what is real in this moment.'
ReplyDeleteWow! Galen I read your post three times. I could feel the intense emotion as you worked through the thought process. The spinning on the thought treadmill,thoughts of past ,future , the pain, the anxiety... and then the grand finale, the resolution , the moment of salvation ..the realization that none of this exist now in this holy instant...Its the miracle of "being fully alive in this holy instant, one with the vastness of all creation. Grateful.'
This is a message of liberation , I am so grateful that you are grateful...smiles
Thank you, Brian, for such a lovely comment. Yes, it has been intense, and continues to be so. I've asked for lots of miracles in the last few days!
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