When I’m sparring with my martial arts teacher and somehow manage to get him in a hold, he will pause and look at me. “Oh, you got me.” And just as I’m feeling smug, he simply melts away like smoke. While I’m left holding nothing, he says with a twinkle, “Do you?”
This year has been like that. A series of revelations that whatever I think I know or understand, I don’t. I thought I understood a situation. I didn’t. I thought I was being helpful. I wasn’t. I thought I had a particular relationship with someone. I didn’t. I believed something to be true. It wasn’t.
It was like the universe taunting me, teaching me.
Oh, you got this.... Do you?
Each revelation allowed me to release something I held onto. Each one went deeper, layer beneath layer. Then the big one, the one I had held onto my whole life. Still working on releasing that one. Whew, I thought. It all led up to this. When I work through this, I will be done. That was the grand finale of releasing.
Was it?
Recent months brought yet another deeply held belief into question. Really? I have to release even that?
Even that.
Then what’s left? Oh.... I get it.
Do you?
"And just as I'm feeling smug, he simply melts away like smoke."
ReplyDeleteHolding nothing . . .
The older I get, Galen, the more I realize that the tighter we grasp, the more elusive our hold becomes. When I think I have it all figured out, here comes the next challenge, the next mountain to climb, and I fall back upon God's promise to be with me through it all. Your reflection here reminds me of the take in Ecclesiastes when Solomon refers to all of life being smoke and vapor. We cannot hold on, so why try?
Blessings to you, my friend, and Merry Christmas!
All life being smoke and vapor--perfect. Yes, why try to hold on? Because perhaps we get confused by fear. Someone said to me today that she felt that sometimes her mind got "hijacked" by panic. That was a good description. So maybe we can find ways to remind ourselves of what our wise self knows! Merry Christmas to you, too.
DeleteBrilliant! Yes. I get it ... or do I? ;) Life is definitely like that.
ReplyDeleteWarm wishes Galen to you and yours for the holiday season. Every best wish. Jean x
You are funny, Jean! Your warm wishes are welcome as we enter winter and you begin summer in the southern hemisphere! I've been writing a lot about darkness lately as the days get shorter here in the northern hemisphere, and thinking about how in another part of the world, folks are getting their bathing suits ready for summer! I'm going to pop over to your site now and see what you've been up to with your painting.
DeleteThank you for this thought-provoking post. Yes, I understand the problem of trying to hold onto that which is ephemeral. I do it all the time. And you, dear Galen, are one of the best things that has happened to me this year, discovering you. I hope to keep your thoughtful posts pushing my own internal envelope in 2019. Happy Solstice! :-)
ReplyDeleteDJan, that "D" in your name must stand for "dear" or "delightful"! You are so sweet, so maybe "delicious"? Thank you for the kind words. I love your blog as well. Still hoping that maybe our paths might cross in person if you are ever in the Portland area. I enjoyed the darkness of the solstice with the beauty of the full moon last night. Best wishes to you for the rest of this year and the beginning of 2019.
DeleteOh, yeah, I get that. Go back a few weeks to one of my Sunday posts. I have learned from the "Five Guys" (Noah, Job, Daniel, David, and Abraham) that each one had to sell what they thought was most precious to them to God... and God showed them they were selling the main thing keeping them from being with Him... they were selling holes which God then filled with Himself.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful reflection, CW. Thank you!
DeleteIts almost as if we are meant to live in this state of uncertainty and not knowing, Galen. This has been one of my realizations this year. You are aware that I spent decades in a belief system that provided an illusion of certainty. I explained all that in my own blog. Its uncertainty that keeps us open to the mystery of life. It keeps us humble. We can't be a 'know it all'. We realize we don't have a full understanding of what is 'Truth'. We can fall in love with life when we surrender to not knowing. We eventually conclude that we can trust the universal loving intelligence that guides us moment by moment, as we step into the unknown. It causes us to live content in the 'now' without knowing what the next moment will bring. We are taught to be like a child once again and now we get a glimpse of the realm of heaven that Jesus spoke of and Buddha experienced.
ReplyDeleteYes, I do know a little bit about your journey, Brian. You have described so well the shift from the "illusion of certainty" to acceptance of unknowing and contentment in the now.
DeleteWhat is key to this is the letting go part. So often, I'm working hard to keep control of what is essentially wafting through my fingers. Thanks for your insight!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Laurie. And yes, the letting go part, because everything is wafting through our fingers! I've learned to notice where I'm struggling to hold on or control, and then consider the struggle itself rather than the object of struggle.
DeleteThis sounds like push hands. I finally have a regular push hands practice and am starting to sort of get it. Maybe I could join sometime. I think it's everything!
ReplyDeleteI'd like to know more about your push hands practice, Jessica. Email me! It would be great to practice together!
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