These apparently contradictory statements are at the heart of spiritual awakening, representing the two practices of release and acceptance.
“Neti, neti” is a Sanskrit expression from ancient Hindu texts. It can be translated as “Not that, not that.” It reminds me to not grasp onto my beliefs and opinions, my judgments and fears.
“This too, this too” is a phrase I learned from Thich Nhat Hanh, teaching me to accept what is, whether that is my circumstances or my feelings or yes, even those opinions and judgments.
I find that acceptance rather than resistance is what allows me to soften my grip and release whatever binds me. If I make a mistake, as I did recently, I can replay the situation endlessly, feeling worse and worse. But no matter how wise I am in hindsight about what I should have done, or wish I had done, I can’t change what I did. I try to deny, rationalize, justify, reframe, tell a different story – anything other than just acknowledging that I made a mistake. So now not only have I made a mistake, but I have created a story about it evoking feelings of shame, embarrassment, anger (at myself), and judgment.
So I quit fighting with reality and accept what happened, without embellishment. This too, this too. And I accept my feelings of regret and sadness. This too, this too.
Everything is workable, everything becomes my teacher, everything has a place in my life.
And when I can accept my circumstances and myself, as is, the thoughts that torment me begin to fade. I can see through them. They are not real. Neti, neti. They do not bind me. They have no power over me. They no longer separate me from others. I need not defend my position, nor impose my views. I don’t need to be right. Not that, not that.
Harmony is restored.
Years ago when I was in therapy, my therapist would respond to my frequent descriptions of how I had somehow fallen short, or not been my best, with a tilt of her head and a little smile. “Welcome to the human race,” she would say. I hated that. I held myself to a higher standard. Than being human? “And how is that working for you?” was another one of her standard lines. I hated that too.
But now I am older, and if not wiser, certainly more tired. Too tired to struggle against what is. Too tired to pretend. Too tired to carry the heavy baggage of a lifetime of judgments and failings. Too tired to do anything other than the best I can do in this moment.
What a relief.
No wonder sages are most often portrayed as old ... or as Yoda.
For most of my adult life I followed a path that seemed to demand that I live a life that strived after some divine ideal.It created great fear and anxiety in my inner core. Because I always felt that I was not good enough. I was trying to meet unrealistic expectations that I had set for myself in order to meet a certain standard to satisfy external expectations. I spent the past six years slowly dismantling this belief system, peeling back the layers to test each component for truth. I did the "not that""not that" thing without realizing it.
ReplyDeleteNow I can identify with your statement here:
"..when I can accept my circumstances and myself, as is, the thoughts that torment me begin to fade. I can see through them. They are not real. Neti, neti. They do not bind me. They have no power over me. They no longer separate me from others. I need not defend my position, nor impose my views. I don’t need to be right. Not that, not that.
Harmony is restored. "
Thanks for your post Galen ...my harmony is also restored.
Your process of inquiry is a key to becoming aware of our assumptions and beliefs. Only then can we begin to disengage from the effect that our unexamined thoughts have on our lives. Here's to harmony!
DeleteIts a process of learning what is not true. Perhaps the greatest untruth is the idea that we are separate from others and "God". When I view God as the source of life. How can we be separate from life? Our thoughts create the separation. When we allow our egoic mind (false self) to control us we Edge God Out(EGO) and then we cause in ourselves a perception of separation. When we see the illusion of the false self , it will slowly dissolve and our true self once again becomes who we really are. When we live from the true self called many things .. the soul,the heart, the center, the core of our being, there is now no perception of separation from our creator, our source and others. We realize we are all one and we share that oneness with all life. Jesus called it the kingdom of heaven and he did say it was within us.
ReplyDeleteThis is a post all by itself, Brian! Nicely said. The illusion of separation is central to the teachings in A Course in Miracles. Are you familiar with that? I think you would like it.
DeleteI have never read the Course in Miracles, Galen. I am aware of it and have read quotes from it.
DeleteWe can certainly be our own worst enemy when we hang on to those things at which we failed or can't change. Letting it go so we can simply get on with life is easier said than done, but it is necessary.
ReplyDeleteWonderful thought, as always, Galen!
Blessings!
As Pogo said, we have seen the enemy and he is us. Yes, letting go is easier said than done, but as Pema Chodron said, if we really understood how much suffering we cause ourselves, we would practice like our hair is on fire! I've always loved that image! Thanks for commenting, Martha.
DeleteI could have written this post myself, except for the unique insights you shared about the meaning of the words from Sanskrit and Thich Nhat Hanh, both of which resonate deeply within me. Thank you for this healing post, Galen.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you could have, DJan. I love your musings on your blog.
Delete"I try to deny, rationalize, justify, reframe, tell a different story – anything other than just acknowledging that I made a mistake. So now not only have I made a mistake, but I have created a story about it evoking feelings of shame, embarrassment, anger (at myself), and judgment." You need to stop following me around, lol!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though, the things we fight like this are the things that Satan blows out of proportion to screw up our testimony. How much weight do we give to our slips before we are too weighed down, how little before they become traps. You have a great perspective.
They do become traps, don't they--crushing us from above, dragging at our feet from below. The trap catches us as soon as we think they are real and struggle against them. But when we look at them with honesty and compassion, they just disappear, or at least get a lot smaller! Glad you find this perspective helpful, CW.
DeleteYes, this kind of wisdom certainly comes with age and experience, but still I can get hooked by finding too much fault in myself and overthinking things. In my therapy I had a similar experience to you - it was obvious my own standards were way too high, I was repeatedly too hard on myself, and I was punishing myself. I still have to catch myself, give myself a talking to and use self acceptance and a bit of compassion, which certainly helps - its the only answer really!Also learning not to defend oneself is important, as you say, and that can be liberating too.Lovely post, Galen.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lynne. Overthinking and judgment can block the compassion we all need so much--most of all from ourselves.
DeleteOh,my dear friend; I can relate to this on more than one level. You are right we are all human and that was part of the plan for us. We would make mistakes and learn from them. We would grow from our life choices whether good or evil. I have and do feel like you have many times. We are all in this together and learning from our individual life experiences. There is a path that will help us be the best we can be. That ultimately is exactly what our loving Heavenly Father wants from us to be at any given time or circumstances. It's an individual choice. No matter what we will never be perfect with our Savior.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and hugs for this one!
But maybe we can be perfect in our imperfection?! Learning from our life choices without judging ourselves so harshly can lead to real growth. Always good to hear from you, LeAnn.
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